KICK-ASS 2

Watching dis movie be like getting together wit former girlfriend after several years. You tink it be a great idea but, when show up for date, you diskover she really let herself go,… Continue reading

MAN OF STEEL

Watching dis movie be like taking in spectakular fireworks show. In sepia. While your girlfriend breaks up wit you over de phone. For two and a half hours. Movie open on alien world… Continue reading

Iron Man 3

Dis would have been a great movie if it had been half an hour shorter. And made a lick of sense.  Monster can imagine script notes session went someting like dis: Producer: Dis… Continue reading

Black Scorpion

Boy, dere be nothing worse den doing someting really embarrassing like slipping on a banana peel and falling down a flight of stairs or making a really shitty movie.  Fortunately, dere be convenient… Continue reading

The Crow

Full disklosure: Monster not a fan of mimes.  It be a phobia me have (like heights, tight places, and Celine Dion) dat go all de way back to monster’s childhood.  Me often try… Continue reading

The Guyver

Movie begin wit an opening scroll, just like Star Wars.  Unlike Star Wars, however, opening scroll accompanied by voice-over because Guyver fans either illiterate or too damn lazy to read.  As far as… Continue reading

The Toxic Avenger

Dis movie about as subtle as Grover at a stripper convention.  It take a potentially funny premise, den beat it into de ground wit de most obvious and heavy-handed execution possible.  It as… Continue reading

Dr. Strange (1978)

Dr. Strange?  More like Dr. Creep!  Apparently, dis guy not familiar wit de Hypocritical Oath, but he all sorts of familiar wit “doctor-patient confidentiality”…if you know what me mean.  No?  Well, let monster… Continue reading

Galaxy Quest

Dis movie remind Monster of time me, Big Bird, and Grover attend furry convention (Why not?  We furry…AND fuzzy!) figuring it be great opportunity to network wit other muppets.  But, sadly, no aktual… Continue reading

Despicable Me 2

Original Despicable Me a fine movie.  Fine like 7-11 wine, Dane Cook, or de Minnesota Vikings in dat none be particularly memorable but all deliver in perfektly adequate fashion.  So, when sekwel, Despicable… Continue reading