KICK-ASS 2

1

Watching dis movie be like getting together wit former girlfriend after several years. You tink it be a great idea but, when show up for date, you diskover she really let herself go, embittered wit life, and spend most of evening telling tasteless jokes and trying to sell you on Amway. At end of de night, you go home feeling sad, cheap, and gross. Also poorer becuz you bought box of multivitamins and six pack of men’s fragrance dat smell like eau de Grover’s toilet.

Yo, Kick-Ass.  Try to keep up!

Yo, Kick-Ass. Try to keep up!

Movie open on Hit Girl and Dave (aka Kick-Ass) in training. He a wimp but she tuffening him up by beating de living crap out of him and, occasionally, shooting him. Dey going to be de greatest team-up since Punisher and Archie! UNTIL Hit Girl’s step dad make her promise to give up superheroing and just be a normal girl. Haha! Right. De Hit Girl we know from last movie would never agree so…Oh. She does agree? Haha! Right. But de Hit Girl we know from last movie might agree but would never really give up being a superhero…Oh. She does?

Yes, for some reason, she agree and den spend big chunk of movie “trying to fit in” wit other high schoolers. Dis plot development offer plenty of opportunities for hilarious fish-out-of-water scenes as Hit Girl try to akt like a normal teen. Unfortunately, it make absolutely no sense. It be totally out of charakter for de Hit Girl we knew from last movie but, luckily, cliquey high school girls also akt totally out of charakter, inviting her to a sleepover and convincing her to try out for dance team. While she desperately trying to fit and hilarity ensuing, monster wonder: “What happened to terrific rebellious kid from last movie?”.

Alright, den!

Alright, den!

Meanwhile, Dave, aka Kick-Ass, team up wit lame amateur vigilante superheroes lead by Ace Ventura.

You!  Gimme de cash!  You!  Spank me!

You! Gimme de cash! You! Spank me!

Meanwhile, Chris D’Amico, aka Red Mist, come out of retirement and don his dead mom’s S&M ensemble to become…De MUDDERFUCKER! He also assemble his own lame amateur super villain team.

Scenes of extreme violence ensue but, unlike original, no fun to be had here. In first movie, action sekwences enjoyable becuz it feature incongruous kid taking out bad guys. In dis movie, we instead treated to action sekwences of bad guys killing cops in gruesome fashion. Hohoho! And, later, Ace Ventura. Hahahaha! Oh, and Dave’s dad. Heeheehee! At one point, Mudderfucker unable to assault a girl becuz he can’t get erektion! And it all played for laughs.

Eventually, Hit Girl come out of retirement and join rest of superheroes in warehouse showdown against supervillains. Ho hum.

Sorry about getting your dad killed, dude.

Sorry about getting your dad killed, dude.

Bad guys are defeated and all is forgiven. Even Todd, Dave’s high school buddy, who joined Team Supervillain, revealed Kick Ass’s true identity, and was direktly responsible for Dave’s dad being murdered, get a pass. Well, you know what dey say: “Bros before common sense!”

So long and tanks for all de fish sticks.

So long and tanks for all de fish sticks.

Hit Girl heads off into the sunset disappearing herself and leaving her step-dad to pick up de pieces of the police investigation into her vigilante past – and, presumably, face jail time for aiding and abetting a murderer.

Not so kick-ass. Aktually, dumb and depressing. A sekwel in name only.

VERDIKT: If you loved de first movie, you’ll hate dis one. But if you hated de first movie, you probably won’t hate dis one as much.

RATING: 4 chocolate chippee cookies – except chocolate chippees actually raisins. Sucker!

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