The Spirit

Watching The Spirit be like being trapped in elevator wit chatty, pompous – albeit well-dressed – douchebag suffering from explosive diarrhea.  For 90+ excruciating minutes. Forget waterboarding; dis film be worser cruel and… Continue reading

The Dark Knight

Tree tings monster hate most in dis world: injustice, poverty, and movies dat run more den two hours.  Unless film be based on musty Russian novel, it have no business being so long.… Continue reading

Hellboy II: The Golden Army

Monster pleasantly surprised by first Hellboy so, of course, me expeckt less of de same from de sekwel becuz, after all, it be a sewkwel. Remember Hangover II?  Blues Brothers 2000?  Citizen Kane… Continue reading

Hancock

Monster not professional writer so not in position to offer advice to whoever wrote dis movie, but me can’t help but feel it obviously a bad idea to change direktion and tone of… Continue reading

The Incredible Hulk

This movie be improvement over first Hulk film de way a bad cold be improvement over Type A influenza.  In retrospekt, you not want to subject yourself to either but, hey, in dis… Continue reading

Iron Man

Monster not want to sound sexist, but Iron Man be waaaaay more fun and exciting den sekwel Iron Lady. Movie open on rich industrialist playboy Tony Stark, a guy who be seeing more… Continue reading

Superhero Movie

Imagine mash-up of first two Spiderman movies and original X-Men movie but MUCH less hilarious.  Dat pretty much sum up dis tired time-waster. On to monster’s review… ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZ Old lady… Continue reading

Underdog

Bad!  Bad doggy movie.  It lie down and play dead for almost one hour and twenty two minutes!. Me know, me know.  ”Come on, Monster.  It be a kidz movie!  Turn off your… Continue reading

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

Benign and inoffensive.  Dat pretty much sum up dis movie.  On de one hand, it not sink to craptastic lows of first FF movie; on de other hand, it never quite reach de… Continue reading

Spiderman 3

As rule of thumb, you know you in for crappy viewing experience when SUPERHERO movie you watching kick off wit MUSIKAL NUMBER.  Let just say dat, after sitting thru rest of dis film,… Continue reading