The Toxic Avenger
Dis movie about as subtle as Grover at a stripper convention. It take a potentially funny premise, den beat it into de ground wit de most obvious and heavy-handed execution possible. It as if makers of dis film assume audience be so stoopid dey need to make absolutely certain dere be no doubt dis supposed to be a parody. Norbit be a nuanced masterpiece in comparison.
Movie open wit PSA on dangers of toxic waste dumping. We cut to Tromaville, toxic waste dumping capital of de U.S., where a nerd janitor, Melvin work at a health club. ”Nerd” actually be too kind. He be a borderline brain dead Urkle.
Melvin get picked on by bunch of health club members who humiliate him, den chase him thru a window. Melvin end up landing in vat of toxic waste, get horribly disfigured and run home.
Dis be monster’s reaction when he realize dere still half hour left in dis movie. Noooooo!
Once home, he transform – from idiot nerd to big brawny mutant. From dis point, movie just a collection of extended fight sekwences where new-look Melvin beat on thugs, most of who have basic knowledge of kung fu. Along de way, Melvin reskue and fall in love wit a blind girl who move in wit him at toxic dump. Me know, me know. It sound sort of funny. But trust monster. It not.
You know I’m bad, I’m bad, you know it!
Movie obviously made at a time when bar for comedy set super low. How low? Well, “hilarious highlights” include: racism, gore, attempted rape, shooting of seeing eye dog, gun pointed at baby, and innocent young boy getting head crushed by a car.
Incognito lover’s stroll
Dey sure not make dem like dey used to. And dat because dey used to make dem real crap.
Verdikt: It have all de makings of a movie so bad it be good, but dis turkey so bad it aktually BE bad.
Rating: 1 chocolate chippee cookie.