Spawn

Ever have it when you need to write skript for movie, but tings are going slow so you invite Count and Big Bird to your place for drinks but you do too many… Continue reading →

Batmand and Robin

Batmand and Robin be de filmic equivalent of explosive garden vegetable diarrhea. Exciting, sometime pretty to look at, but it still crap.  Dis movie be Joel Schumacher’s master piece (of shit).  Terruble on… Continue reading →

The Phantom

Or, like me prefer to call it: Purple Unitardo and de Temple of Doom! Stop Monster if you heard dis one before.  A boy’s parents are murdered.  He train hard and become a… Continue reading →

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie

Most superhero movies me have reviewed so far make monster so angry he want to go back to video store and punch and slap around employee, den kick him in de grapes.  But… Continue reading →

Batman Forever

Batman Forever.  Well, at almost two hours running time, it sure feel dat way.  After box office suckcess of first two Batman movies, studio reward Tim Burton by replacing him as direktor and… Continue reading →

The Shadow

Who knows what evil lurk in de hearts of men?  De Shadow knows! How he know?  Search monster.  Me having hard enough time trying to make sense of dis movie. De Shadow remind… Continue reading →

Fantastic Four (1995)

Dis movie nowhere near fantastic but, all in all, not de worst fan film monster have ever seen.  De skript be cliche and contrived, de akting hokey and over-de-top, and de special effekts… Continue reading →

Blankman

Calling dis movie “a comedy” be like calling orange soda “juice”. Blankman aktually offer less den 5% of de daily rekommended serving of laffs.  It start promising enuf, den go downhill faster den… Continue reading →

Meteor Man

Meteor Man written and directed by Robert Townsend.  To be honest, me prefer his Chinatown.  Still, monster surprized me not hate dis movie.  Sure, it all sortz of stoopid and itz hero as… Continue reading →

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Hoo boy.  Take one good idea wit promise, sell out and make it for kiddiez to cash in on merchandizing potenshul, den make movie about it but don’t bother paying for decent script.… Continue reading →