The Phantom

Or, like me prefer to call it: Purple Unitardo and de Temple of Doom!

Stop Monster if you heard dis one before.  A boy’s parents are murdered.  He train hard and become a superhero to fight evil.  He very wealthy.  Have trusty servant.  He operate out of a cave.  His superhero persona a mysterious figure, de stuff of legend and whispered rumors.  Guess who?  Dats right!  Batman.  The Shadow.The Phantom!  Seriously.  How hard it be to come up wit an original origin?

So broody-moody.  And purpley.

Dis movie a mashup of Batman and de Indiana Jones movies wit a good villain and some fun aktion.  But it have one major flaw = a hero running around in a PURPLE UNITARD!  And monster sorry to say it never recover from dat.  A PURPLE UNITARD!

Movie begin wit our hero, The Phantom, skrewing up by letting a bad guy (Quill) get away wit a magik skull.  He very upset and return to hisbatcave skull cave to brood, walk around shirtless, and talk to ghost of his dead father.

Fortunately, he have Ghost Dad for company.

Back in New York, villainous businessman, Drax, take possession of magik skull.  He only need two more magik skulls to complete de set! Lovely!

Wit a name like Drax, he destined for a life in supervillainy.

Kit Walker, aka The Phantom, travel to New York where he reunited wit his ex-girlfriend, Diana, who he happen to save from sexy pirates earlier in de movie (in extraneous filler sewkwence involving female fisticuffs, a jump from a crop duster, and a dog telling a horse to go give Phantom a lift).  Dey visit a museum and – Hey, whaddya know! – diskover de sekond skull on display.  Kit go to take it but ambushed by Drax and his men who grab it for demselves and diskover location of turd magik skull…on Pirate Island!

For de villain dat has everyting: matching power skulls.

Drax take Kit and Diana back to his place.  Kit eskape and change into his ridikulous costume.  Bad guys get away wit magik skulls and Diana – while Phantom is chased around town by cops.  Why cops case him?  Becuz he running around in A PURPLE UNITARD!

Phantom give Diana a pearl necklace.  She toss him a nice salad and den dey both have dinner beneath de bridge.  So romantic!

Phantom catch up wit Drax and co. on Pirate Island where Drax get his hands on turd magik skull.  But dis make pirates angry.  Big fight! Pirate captain swim wit de sharks. Quill disintegrated by power of de magik skulls. BUT turn out Phantom have a fourth magik skull on his ring!  Powers of de magik skulls battle and Phantom’s is stronger.  Drax disintegrated.  Den, Phantom catch a ride on a passing submarine to safety.

Movie end wit Phantom revealing his sekret identity to Diana.  He really…Kit Walker!  But she already knew dat.


Rating: 4 out of 10 chocolate chippee cookies.