Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie
Most superhero movies me have reviewed so far make monster so angry he want to go back to video store and punch and slap around employee, den kick him in de grapes. But dis not de case wit Mighty Morphin Power Rangers movie. Instead, me just want to go back and punch and slap. Not as much grape kicking. When monster sit down to watch MMPR, me expect weak akting, stoopid plot, terruble dialogue, cheezy speshul effekts, silly costumes, and lame stunts, but me pleasantly surprized. Stunts pretty good. Dats about all MMPR have going for it, but it enuf to save Monty (aka video store guy) me working his grapes.
Anyway, after opening Star Wars scroll, movie start wit bunch of kids skydiving for charity (?), den rollerblading thru de city. Why? What dis have to do wit anyting? Not much.
Meanwhile, real story begin when construktion workers unearth giant purple egg. Wow! What a great arkeological diskovery! Soon, de site will be teeming wit scientists and government soldiers and police men! No? Okay den, scientists and police men! No? Some scientists? How about two security guards wit a lawn chair?
Egg crack and purple bad guy called Ivon Ooze eskape. For some reason, he speak perfekt colloquial English and just full of gags. Me tink he possessed by ghost of Jim Carey playing de Riddler. First ting Ivon do is go to Mighty Morphin sekret headquarters and trash de place.
Luckily, de Mexican robot okay. Aye-yi-yi-yi!
Kids from beginning of movie (Mighty Morphin Power Rangers) go back to HQ and diskover deir boss, de big floating head, now just a pale guy in full body turtleneck lying in frog pond. Also dey lost deir powers. One of dem say: “We may not have our powers, but we’re still de Power Rangers!”. Mmmmm, no. No. Pretty sure dat you need “power” to be a “Power Ranger”. Rest of group realize dis and so decide dey have to travel to another planet to get new powers. How dat work? Beats monster. How dey get dere? Why, by riding a magik rainbow of course!
Soooo, dey ride de magik rainbow (no, really) to another planet where dey meet sexy girl in leather bikini. None of de boyz have hit puberty yet so not one seem all dat interested in her.
Vavavavoom! She can impale monster wit her staff anytime! No. Wait.
She send dem on qwest and before you can say “filler fight scene”, the Rangers have new speshul powers!
Mighty Morphin Karate Kid Ninja Rangers!
Except, for some reazon, dese powers not good enuf. So dey have to keep qwesting until dey get another bunch of superpowers – and dey’re able to morph again. [By de way, monster diskover dat “morphin” in Mighty Morphin Power Rangers is verb. All dis time, me using it as adjective – ie. “I want dese mother morphin snakes off dis mother morphin plane!”].
Back on Earth, Ivon Ooze enslave parents with purple ooze and force dem to create giant metal bugs. Power Rangers ride de magik rainbow back home in nick of time . Dey fight, each wit deir own
crappy toy tie-in mecha-tingie. Dey save a bunch of irresponsible kids taking a joyride on a monorail. Finally, dey all join together (what took dem so long?) to create one giant mecha-tingie. Meanwhile, Ivon Ooze embody other mecha-tingie.
Ninja Megahemmaroid. Or someting like dat.
Space fight ensue! Mecha-Ivon kicked in de grapes and right into path of comet dat just happens to be flying by. Ah, coinsidents, de last refuge of writers who suck/too lazy to bother/have better tings to do den come up wit your clever ending so buy de damn toys and shut de F up.
Ivon get blown up. Huzzah!
Power Rangers return to HQ, but it too late for pale guy. Or is it?! Power Rangers join hands and use de power of friendship? Love? Deus ex machina? To restore him back to giant head status. Also, HQ magikally renovated! And boyz hit puberty.
Verdikt: Movie be faithfully crappy to crappy original t.v. series. If you go in wit absolutely no expektations, you only be slightly disappointed.
Rating: 1.5 out of 10 cholate chippee cookies. Movie chock full of cool kick moves monster plan to try out on Monty next time me go to video store.