KICK-ASS 2

Watching dis movie be like getting together wit former girlfriend after several years. You tink it be a great idea but, when show up for date, you diskover she really let herself go,… Continue reading →

Chronicle

When is a found footage film not a found footage film?  When de makers mysteriously bail on de concept two turds of de way thru de movie.  Chronicle has distinktion of being de… Continue reading →

Captain America: The First Avenger

No offense to Captain America but, technically, wasn’t Thor de “First Avenger”?  Dis de first qwestion dat cross monster’s mind, followed by “Dis entire movie a period piece?” and “Did me forget to… Continue reading →

Green Lantern

What if Deadpool became Green Lantern?  Dis seem to be de qwestion dis movie try to answer. Unlike it’s more ambitious predecessors, Green Lantern aspire to be little more den a quasi-entertaining kids… Continue reading →

Thor

Dis movie slower den Snuffleupagus backing up.  It take longer to get going den Grover de morning after Furries Night at Ye Olde Sesame Street Pub. Movie begin in 965 AD when Odin,… Continue reading →

Iron Man 2

Monster like to rate sekwels on what me call de Sliding Celebrity Sibling Scale.  It start at Clint Howard and go all de way up to Mark Wahlberg.  Given how much me enjoy… Continue reading →

Iron Man

Monster not want to sound sexist, but Iron Man be waaaaay more fun and exciting den sekwel Iron Lady. Movie open on rich industrialist playboy Tony Stark, a guy who be seeing more… Continue reading →

My Super Ex-Girlfriend!

Dis movie reminiscent of monster’s ex-girlfriend, Mona Hildeberger. One time, she get so mad after me use dishwasher to dry socks dat she spike monster’s L’Oreal shampoo wit Nair hair remover.  For two… Continue reading →

Superman Returns!

Dis movie more boring den Fozzie Bear’s off-off-off Broadway production of “Old Coronation Street Episodes”.  It so bad dat monster invite friends over and invent Superman Returns drinking game. Everytime someone begin to… Continue reading →

X-Men: The Last Stand

On de one hand, dis movie not as good as de original or sekwel.  On de other hand, it not make monster want to vomit, kick in his t.v., or punch someone in… Continue reading →