Green Lantern

GL - poster

What if Deadpool became Green Lantern?  Dis seem to be de qwestion dis movie try to answer.

Unlike it’s more ambitious predecessors, Green Lantern aspire to be little more den a quasi-entertaining kids movie.  And it aktually succeed, offering a uncomplikated story devoid of riveting drama or charakters but also free of de stoopid plot twists dat tipify de genre. GL may not be a great movie, but it certainly not as terrible as monster expekt!

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Wit dis ring, I thee kick ass.

A short time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, a dangerous creature called Parallax eskape from space prison.  He attack a space station manned by alien named Abin Sur, member of intergalactic police force known as De Judoon Peacekeepers Rangers Green Lantern Corps!  Abin Sur eskape and, seriously injured, crash land on Earth.

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Parallax have serious case of dragon breath!

Realizing he be dying, Abin Sur take off his power ring, de source of his power (dats why it be called a POWER ring) and send it off to find someone worthy.  It fly off and choose…brash, quippy mercenary test pilot Wade Wilson Hal Jordan, gifting him ability to fly, create giant green hard light constructs out of his imagination, and squeeeeze into tight green spandex outfit.  Why it choose Hal?  Because he be fearless!  Not “missing his amygdalae and literally can’t experience sensation of fear” fearless but “cocky and stoopid” fearless.  Er – close enough.

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Egghead Eggplanthead scientist – Hector Hammond

Meanwhile, government diskover crashed alien ship and hire nerd scientist, Hector Hammond, to study dead alien.  Unfortunately for HH, he end up getting infekted by second alien life form (Parallax) and acquire abilities like mind reading, telekinesis, and literal “fat head”. Also emphysema.

Hal go for a space joyride, get into trouble, and wake up on OA, planet and HQ of De Green Lantern Corps where he meet other weird-looking Lanterns, train, and get showed up by Lantern leader who look like love child of Spock and Clark Gable.  But monster not trust dis guy at all. Why not?  Becuz his name be…SINESTRO!  Come on!

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Lanternpaolooza!

Hal return home after deciding being a Green Lantern not for him.  But he keep de ring anyway.  Just in case.  Back in space, we diskover Parallax on his way to OA for revenge.  Turn out he a former chairman of de board of OA who went all evil and transformed by de power of fear and de color yellow.  Yep.  Yellow!  Sinestro suggest only way to stop Parallax be to harness power of fear…and yellow…into a ring!  Yep! YELLOW!

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Would you trust dis guy?

Back at sekret government lab, government agents chatting to Hector Hammond fail to notice his head be expanded to five times its usual size, so Hector able to get drop on dem wit his telekinetic powers.  BUT Hal, who changed his mind about de whole Green Lantern ting, show up in nick of time.  Why?  How he know where to show up?  Good qwestion!

Hal find out Parallax planning picnic stopover at Earth on way to OA so he can snack on human fear and power up.  Hal fly to OA and tell dem. For some reason, OA be dicks and not want to help.  But Hal say he not need help.  He just ask dem to let him fight for his world.  Hunh?  It not made clear why he need deir permission and, after not getting it, he fly back to Earth and do it anyway.

Hal showdown wit Hector.  Parallax show up and start feeding on people’s fear.  Hal battle him, creating all sorts of silly giant green weapons like catapult and rail gun.  It about at dis point in dat me realize Green Lantern be one helluva silly superhero and his powers just slightly less embarrassing den Elongated Man, Matter Eater Lad and Infectious Lass (who, incidentally, Grover dated for five months back in 2011).

Dey take battle to space.  Hal use sun’s gravitational pull to defeat Parallax and, before he can get swallowed too, he get reskued by Green Lantern Corps lead by Sinestro!  But monster still not trust him.  Why not?  Because his name be SINESTRO!

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Ho hum.  LOVE!

Cue compulsory love scene between Hal and his girlfriend.  De End.

Except for last quick scene in which Sinestro, for some reason, decide to put on yellow power ring.  Oh, wait.  Me know reason why.

Because he be named SINESTRO!!!

Verdikt: Me expekting a lot worse.  It aktually NOT terrible!  But not great either.

Rating: 6.0 chocolate chippee cookies

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