The Incredible Hulk

Hulk posterThis movie be improvement over first Hulk film de way a bad cold be improvement over Type A influenza.  In retrospekt, you not want to subject yourself to either but, hey, in dis case beggars Supermovie of de Week Club reviewers can’t be choosers.  Still, whereas first movie be uniformly stoopid-ridikulous throughout, dis Hulk movie start off entertaining-promising before shifting gears to dull-prediktable and finally downshifting to stoopid-ridikulous for last turd.

Bruce Banner invent formula dat give South American cola all de taste wit only half de calories!

Sekwel pick up where first movie leave off.  Bruce Banner now living incognito in Rio de Janeiro (just like Grover after he knock up Swedish Chef’s niece Torbjorg!).  He work at South Amerikan soda plant where duties inklude fixing tings and pissing off co-workers wit his gringo ways.  Off-hours, he enjoy spending time wit his dog, meditating to control his heart rate, and trying to find cure for his Hulkitis.  BUT one day, he cut himself at work and drop of blood contaminate a bottle.  It end up getting shipped to U.S. where it unwittingly get drinked by Stan Lee (Seriously.  Dese Stan Lee cameos be best ting about dese movies!).  Before you can say “Excelsior!”, word get out and General Thunderbolt Ross dispatch army to GET HIM!

Army ambush Banner.  Chase ensue – part of which take dem across rooftops of favela (Brazilian shantytown).  Dis, of course, be a scene required for every movie dat shoot in Rio.  Eventually, Bruce cornered in bottling plant where he beaten up by co-workers he happen to come across.   He Hulk Out, kick some ass, and disappear.

He awaken some time later in Guatemala where he ask some guy for a lift.  A couple of scenes later, Bruce be back in U.S. wit new clothes. How dis possible?  Did he have cash and fake visa stashed away somewhere?  Did sekret anonymous benefaktor make arrangents?  Or did guy give him lift all de way from Guatemala in his jeep?  We never find out but it would be nice to know.

It be at dis point in de movie when tings get a lot less interesting. Bruce make contakt wit his old girlfriend, Betty.  But Betty’s new boyfriend, Phil Dumphy from Modern Family, find dis uncool and report him to General Ross.  Army be dispatched.  Bruce Hulk Out!  More middling visual effekts!  And, again Hulk get away (although monster seriously wonder where, exaktly, giant green guy can hide even if he can jump really far).

Bruce eventually hook up wit Betty again and dey track down mysterious Mr. Blue who working on serum to cure Bruce of Hulkism (also work on psoriasis!).  He try it on Bruce and it work!  At which point lab crashed by army!  Bruce and Betty on de run – but get captured.  Meanwhile, crazy soldier stay behind and force Mr. Blue to injekt him wit Banner’s blood. He mutate into…an Abomination!  Giant, grey and bony!  But, unlike Hulk, he speak perfekt English and still get to keep his quaint English accent.

General Ross learn about Abomination rampage.  Bruce tell him only way to stop him be by letting him Hulk Out.  Ross say okie-doke.  BUT Bruce took serum!  It possible for him to turn back into Hulk?  How to know?  Run on de spot until heart rate go up?  Cut himself?  Get soldier to slap him around?  No!  He trow himself out of a helikopter! HUH?!!

Whatcha gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild on you?

Cue silly monster fight.  Hulk win and about to kill Abomination when Betty scream: “No!” and make Hulk stop.  Not sure why.  Mebbe she want to adopt adorable psychotic mutant?  Who wouldn’t?!

Movie end in British Columbia where Bruce able to control his heart rate for 31 days – and den Hulk Out!

Movie also end wit Tony Stark approach General Ross in a bar about “putting a team together”.  What could he be talking about?!  All superhero volleyball dream team for next Olympics?  Monster so excited!

Verdikt: Not terrible but not good.  Dis movie be about as enjoyable as your kid’s piano recital.  (Pleaze don’t lie to yourself).

Rating: 5 chocolate chippee cookies.