The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl

While watching Shark Boy and Lava Girl, monster reminded of great children’s movies like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Toy Story, and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang – and how very crap Shark Boy and Lava Girl be in comparison.  In fakt, dis movie so bad it even compare unfavorably to Elmo’s arts and crafts macaroni plate.  It be an incoherent mess of half-ass ideas, terrible dialogue, and a plot dat go nowhere and everywhere all at de same time. Apparently, most of movie’s concepts conceived by director’s kids.  Me believe it.  Me also believe dey probably wrote skript as well.  Monster can’t wait for director Robert Rodriguez’s cat’s movie.  Me have no doubt it will be an improvement on dis dreck.

Movie’s semblance of a plot involve character of Max, a boy wit supposedly incredible imagination, whose lame ideas come to life: Planet Drool, a villain called Mr. Electric, and, of course, Shark Boy Lava Girl.  He embark on some confused quest wit SB and LG dat first take him on ride on de Train of Thought (get it?), den a trip down a river of milk on a giant chocolate chip cookie only to be interrupted by giant versions of his mom and dad who eats deir ride.  What makes Train of Thought different from other plain old trains, besides fakt dat it be called Train of Thought?  What de point of de giant versions of his parents?  Why villain have power over elektricity?  Mebbe his persona be commentary on modern society’s reliance on energy?  Like almost everyting in dis movie, dere be no answers – or much logik.   Our heroes travel down de Passage of Time and, later, de Stream of Consciousness.  But so what?  Just giving dem clever names doesn’t make de scenes clever.  Even for a kid’s flick, dis movie a disaster.

Movie originally presented in 3D but Monster not have 3D version. Instead, me have Big Bird hold t.v. at groin level and hip thrust every ninety seconds.  Sadly, dis not improve viewing experience. :(

The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl be one unwatchable giant piece of Snuffleupagus poop.

Verdikt: Dis movie make less sense den Oscar de Grouceh’s post-Jagermeister speech at Ernie and Bert’s wedding.

Rating: 1/2 a chocolate chippee cookie.  And dat half be for de title which be best part of movie.

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