Hellboy

Smart, stylish, funny and romantic.  No, dis not Monster’s horney.com profile.  It be desktription of Hellboy, a movie me would call an anty-superhero movie.  Why monster call it anty-superhero movie?  Becuz monster’s Anty Florence not big fan of superhero movies, but she really like superhero movies dat defy de genre by taking established cliches and turning dem on deir head.  And dis be one of dose movies.

Movie begin during WWII when Allied forces led by nerdy young scientist stop bald guy in bathrobe and Nazis from…opening gateway to other dimension/Hell/apokalips.  Yeah, okay.  Not exactly original idea but, back in de 40′s, what a bad guy to do?  Conquer de world and open gateways to other dimension, dats what.  Anyhoo, gateway opened for only a few seconds before Allies attack and shut it down. Nazis eskape but soldiers discover someting dat came thru gate – someting from another dimension.  A weird and scary little creature dat look like…

DIS!

Oops.  Me sorry.  Not DAT weird and scary.  Monster try again.  A weird and scary little creature dat look like…

Dis!

Awwww.  Little creature so cute army decide not to blow its brains out. Instead, dey keep and call him Hellboy.  Hellboy raised by kindly brilliant nerd scientist who grow up to become…

Dis guy!

No, wait.  Me sorry.  Not dat guy.  Hellboy raised by kindly brilliant nerd scientist who grow up to become…

Dis guy!

Hellboy grow up too and, years later, he and Professor working for Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense (BURPD) along wit other crazy charakters like Abe Sapien (psychik amphibian) and Liz Sherman (firestarter-but-not-stopper who Hellboy in love wit).

“Dere’s gonna be Hell to pay!” Dis line not in movie.

Young FBI agent, John Myers, assigned to BURPD, but not exacktly hit if off wit Hellboy.  But no time to wallow becuz pesky Nazis resurrect bald bathrobe guy and release rasta alien on Earth.  Rasta alien very creepy and cranky and look like…

Dis!

No, wait.  Very close but dat not him.  Creepy and cranky rasta alien look like…

Dis!  Iree, me am a gonna eat yer veins, mon.

Hellboy chase it down and kill it – but when it die, it lay eggs dat give birth to two more.

While Hellboy follow agent John Myers out on a date, trying to make de moves on Liz Sherman, bald guy in bathrobe sneak into Professor’s study and, wit help of henceman, Slashy McStabby, he kill him.

Look. Nothing up my sleeves. Except dese GIANT BLADES!

Hellboy and co. travel to Moscow, land of vodka, caviar, and interdimensional portals where bad guys planning to finish what dey started back in WWII.  Hellboy forced to help dem to save Liz, but agent Myers tell him to remember who he really be!

Me be Hellboy, bitches!

Hellboy remember who he be – den take on giant octo-monster before killing it by blowing it up from de inside wit hand grenade belt.

Liz dead but Hellboy bring her back to life by threatening to kick demon ass.  Dey kiss.  De End!

Love is Hell!  Dis line not in movie either.

Verdikt: Sure, movie plot be a little cliche and some tings don’t make sense (“Here.  I’ll just duck around dis corner while you engulf chamber in flames.  I should be okay.”), but Hellboy have a lot of heart, humor and, most important of all, charakters you care about.  Like Hellboy, Liz, agent Myers, and, monster’s favorite…

Dis guy!

Oops.  Me sorry again.  Not dat guy.  Monster’s favorite…

Dis guy!

Rating: 7.5 chocolate chippee cookies.

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