Wowee! Watching dis movie like eating an Oreo after a steady diet of Grover’s moms “half de sugar” shortbread cookies (taste like dry sadness). Finally, a superhero film made by people not embarrassed to be making a superhero film. X-Men is true to de comic book, respektful of source material, and touch on adult themes of isolation, discrimination, and cage fighting.
Clawman Sharpy Sharperson Wolverine
Movie focus on teen runaway, Rogue, who can’t touch anyone witout really f’ing dem up. One touch and dey go into convulsions – like me did after watching Superman III and Superman IV back to back. She meet up wit rough and tumble swarthy fellow who go by name, Wolverine, because he have retraktable claws. Dey head off on road trip but, before you can call “Shotgun!”, dey attacked by bunch of costumed weirdoes. Den, saved by another bunch of costumed weirdoes.
Hey, Team S&M. Nice outfits!
Wolverine recover at Hogwart’s School for Gifted Mutant where he meet Professor Jean-Luc Xavier. Professor X lead camp of mutants dat believe dey can co-exist peacefully wit humans. Opposing him be Magneto, leader of Brotherhood of
Evil Mutants who believe mutants need to fight back against human bullies (And, frankly, he have a point. I know me not like it when people point and yell: “Hey, you furry blue monster! Stop pooping in de jacoozi!”. It very hurtful). It be a war pitting humans vs. Magneto vs. Professor X – and Wolverine end up caught in de middle.
Senator kidnapped by evil shapeshifting smurfette and mutated into giant walking water balloon – dat eventually burst, tipping X-Men off dat Magneto mebbe up to someting.
Meanwhile, Rogue run away from school. Professor X try to use mind-machine Cerebro to track her down but it be sabotage and he end up in temporary coma.
Thru Cerebro, Professor X able to track down mutants, stolen cars, and misplaced keys.
Jean use Cerebro and find Rogue, den X-Men head off to find her. BUT Magneto get to her first. He kidnap Rogue and plan to use her to trigger wave dat will turn humans into mutants. Wolverine and de X-Men try to stop him. Big fight on top of Statue of Liberty. X-Men save de dey! Dey stop Magneto and prove justness of deir cause, value of team work, and dat Cyclops’ powers really really lame.
Movie conclude wit Professor X playing chess wit his old nemesis Magneto. X-Men have won dis battle, but de war be far from over…
Direktor wanted to go wit Scrabble but couldn’t clear rights so went wit chess instead.
X-Men be a smart, tightly paced movie wit some great performances and a strong message (“Always wear your seatbelt!”). But it far from perfekt. Dis movie could have been called X-Man becuz, aside from Wolverine, not much time spent fleshing out rest of team. Cyclops be blander den unsalted saltines while Hallie Berry give de performance of
her Paris Hilton’s career. At times, movie feel like giant set-up – which it is, being first film of de franchise.
Still, X-Men be a nice change of pace from supercrap monster have been subjected to so far for dis movie club so me appreciate de small victories.
Verdikt: Movie not service all de charakters but still do a good job of presenting intelligent, easy-to-follow story wit real-world parallels.
Rating: 8 out of 10 chocolate chippee cookies.