Darkman

In his most understated performance since role of Rob Roy in movie me can’t remember name of, Liam Neeson play part of brilliant doctor who invent sintetic skin (lucky :)) but not having much success perfekting formula (unlucky :() but have beautiful girlfriend (lucky :)) who about to blow whistle on her crooked boss (unlucky :() but it seem as tho her boss not mind (lucky :)) except he tip off gangsterz who wreck Dr. Shindlerz lab and blow it up (unlucky :() but he survive (lucky :)) but badly burnt (unlucky :() but superstrong (lucky :)) but also crazy (unlucky :() but become superhero (lucky :)) which make dis teknickally a movie monster have to review (unlucky :().

Movie start wit gangster, Mr. Durant, and his men who show up at warehouse to meet wit other ganster.  Dey have gunz taken away and surrounded.  But den – surprize! – one of Durantz men has machinegun hidden in wooden leg (lucky :)).  But dey surrounded by armed gansterz (unlucky :() who all terruble shots (lucky :)).

Durant very scary guy.  He collect fingerz just like Grover great grandfather use to collect ears of fraggles dat try to escape Fraggle Rock.

Meanwhile, Dr. Shindler working in lab.  Make sweet love to girlfriend. He tell her he want to get married.  Monster tink: Uh oh!  In moviez, next to being two days away from retirement, nothing doom someone faster den getting married.  In real life of course, it all alone in first place.

Soooo happy.  Nothing could ruin dis moment.  Not counting being elektrokuted, burned, drowned, blowed up and horrubly disfigured.

Girlfriend find incriminating paper linking her boss to organized crime (of course organized becuz dey keep everyting on file).  What she going to do?  Give a reporter anonimous tip?  Deliver dokument to police? Nah.  Go to her boss and tell him.  Mebbe he has good explanashun.

Durant and co.  It better to be lucky dan smart.

She confront boss.  He say don’t worry about it.  And he right.  She not have to worry.  Only Dr. Shindler have to worry when gangsterz show up at his lab looking for dokument.  He beaten up.  Elektrokuted. Burnt in chemikal bath.  Blown up in lab.  And end up in bay where he drown – for good meazure.

But he survive (lucky 🙂 but horrubly disfigured (unlucky :)) and end up in burn unit (lucky 🙂 where staff not really caring (unlucky :() but do experimental treatment dat sever nerve endingz so he feel no pain (lucky :)) but proseedure drive him crazy (unlucky :() but give him super strength (lucky :)).  He eskape!  Now look like homeless love child of Elefant Man and Phantom of de Opera.

He dere…De Elefant Man of de Opera!

He set up lab in abandoned faktory.  Spy on his girlfriend who now dating boss.  Den, start to take revenge on gangsterz.  He capture Sam Raimi brother and stick him up out of manhole so 18 wheeler can play whack a mole wit him.  He use his perfekted sintetic skin to disguize hisself as gangsterz.  He talk to himself A LOT!

Finally, he use sintetic skin to disguise himself as…himself.  Old himself and show up at cemetary.  Surprize girlfriend.  Den go for coffee.  He want to tell her de truth but too scared.

“What if I was horrubly scarred?”  “I dunno.  Why you ask?”  “Oh, no reazon.”.

Dey go to amuzement park.  He win fluffy prize but carny tell him to get lost.  Dr. Shindler go crazy and beat up carny in feel-good moment. Den run away.  Girlfriend follow him back to hideout – dat conveniently located very close (unless dey edit out part where he take crosstown bus).  He tell her to go away.  She does.  Den come back – with gangsterz who follow her!

Hideout blow up!  Shooting!  Helicopterz explode!  Durant die!  Or does he….?

Yep.  He dead.

Disguized as Durant, he show up at construction site where…girlfriend boss has girlfriend (lucky :).  But boss see thru disguize (unlucky :().

No so fast dere, Dr. Shindler.

Fight!  Boss is terruble shot with nail gun.  Misses and ends up hanging from girder.  What our hero going to do?  “You wouldn’t,”say boss.

“Why de hell not?”me tink.  He kill everyone else.  What make you so speshul?

Turn out boss not so speshul after all.

Our hero leave girlfriend behind to return to de night as… Darkman!

Verdikt: Dis movie cheezier den Oscar de Grouch crosstrainerz.

Rating: 6 out of 10 chocolate chippee cookies.

Darkman movie over (lucky :)).  Now monster have to watch Captain America (1990) for next week (unlucky :()

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